I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
