I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If I die, sorry about rent.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
