i barfeds in our rink
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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