apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My cat gives me a boner
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
