You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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