Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
