it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
being pregnant is like rehab
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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