shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
