Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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