proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
