remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
