curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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