Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
