Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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