Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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