just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My dad just said "fuck circus"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
