im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
