In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
