I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
my liver is dry heaving
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
