Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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