You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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