I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize