i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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