Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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