just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
