I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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