Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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