She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize