I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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