you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
