He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
