I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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