I wanna passion pit in your ass
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
