you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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