He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I need a burrito and a hug.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
