I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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