I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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