i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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