Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
