We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
