I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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