You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
