please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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