return my video game
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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