Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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