He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
