Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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