He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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