I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
