If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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