I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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