They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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