Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
