it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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