Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Life is so much better after having sex.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize