if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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