So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
