Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
