Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
