I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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