I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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