Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize