i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
