Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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