what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
