I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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