Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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