Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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