Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
