areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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