I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
