omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
