In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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