just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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