I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
