i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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