Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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