omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
