it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
