Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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