This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
