You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
