I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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