Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
