Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
