If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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