barbara walters just said penis...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
