Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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