no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
