Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
