Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
