i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
