i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
