her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize