oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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