I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize