i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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