You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
