Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
