he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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