When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Who died my cat blue again?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
