They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
