dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize