i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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