i think my mom watched the whole time
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
