So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
