Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
