I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
