is your mom at the bar?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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