weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
